THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
