Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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