Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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