I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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