The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
