is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
