The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
...so i touched it.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I seem to have left my pride at pride
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
