Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
