He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
