So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
