Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
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