the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
