You're my little dorito
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Randomize
