i already hear my dad disowning me
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
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