Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Randomize
