Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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