Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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