god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Randomize
