Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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