One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
