so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
