i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
so let's talk penis.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Operation Purity has been aborted
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Randomize
