what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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