U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
