my phone needs a breathalizer
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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