At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Randomize
