Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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