Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
