Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
