Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
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