Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
