His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
