I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
