matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
