farters have to be the big spoon...
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
Randomize
