i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize
