Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
zippers are such a cool invention
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
