Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
