i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
