so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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