you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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