So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
