i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
