My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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