this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
