There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
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