she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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