I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
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