Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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