In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
