Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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