She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
