I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
