I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
